To sum up the weekend-
60mins + 30 mins = 90 minutes
- how much sleep I got on Saturday night, when I woke and checked the clock at 11.30pm I was sorely tempted to smash it into my face repeatedly until I was unconscious. I wept pitifully for a while, lay in bed until 3am listening to the thoughts of many and feeling a little hard done-by then I got up. Obviously lack of sleep is nothing new to me but I had dared to hope that the days of almost no sleep were behind me.
5 fish – 5 fish = 0 fish
- the number of fish the 7 year-old caught on Saturday when I decided to introduce him to blood-sports and take him fishing. In spite of failing to land anything the 7 year-old seemed to enjoy the experience, he even managed to overcome his ‘sensitivities’ and handle bait. Given his extreme squeamishness I think it’s probably for the best he wasn’t lucky this time.
100bpm + 80bpm = 180bpm
- my average heart-rate during the hour I spent on the harbour with the 7 year-old, a child who embodies “perpetual motion” and occasionally “dyspraxia”. I think I may need to get him a life-jacket for future fishing trips- just in case that theory about a finite number of heartbeats is correct. Two more fishing trips and I’ll be dead.
12 arms – 11 arms = 1 arms
- the number of arms the 7 year-old claimed to have had broken by the 15 year-old. The children decided on Saturday that they hated each other and a day of bickering, shrieking and moderate violence ensued. I’m sure this was not unconnected to the fact that the 15 year-old was forced to wake some 6 hours earlier than her preferred time in order to attend her appointment with the hairdresser. I left them to it, they weren’t armed (though I considered giving them weapons at one point to bring matters to a speedy resolution) and there’s a hospital five minutes up the road.
1 arm – 1 arm = 0 arms
- the number of arms the 7 year-old actually had broken. I didn’t even bother to check when he initially made the claim, he came to find me some five minutes later, appearing jubilant, I suspect he won that particular round.
1 + 1 = 2
- the number of serious problems with the stupid car that I am now unable to ignore, it often fails to start at all and now 9 times out of 10 the key won’t even turn in the ignition. We have a skills gap, none of us are mechanics. I will simply have to break out the magic Barclaycard of power and send the stupid car to a garage.
25mg ÷ 5mg = 5mg
- the amount of Diazepam I took on Sunday in an attempt to get something resembling sleep. Old habits die hard, it’s been a while and it’s indicative of a general “things are a bit difficult” feeling at the moment but it did the job and for 2 hours I was oblivious.
1 x 12 = 12
- the number of teaspoons we own and coincidentally the number of teaspoons that were waiting to be washed. Teaspoons are a kind of benchmark for washing up in this house- when they run out it’s time to address the state of the kitchen. Having no clean teaspoons was not as problematic as you might think- there was so much washing up and general debris on the worktops that there was no room to make a cup of tea anyway. The dishes are now washed and the worktops clear, I’m considering buying some more teaspoons.
1 x ∞ = ∞
- the number of problems at the moment. It’s often the way, some are small, some are big and some are massive. It’s caused a kind of ‘stalling’ and almost a complete lack of internal communication as individual parts mull over their own problems and how they want to tackle them or indeed ignore them completely.
3mins + 40secs= 3mins 40secs
- the average length of a track on the new album by Two Door Cinema Club- Beacon. It’s not due for release until next month, I’ve listened to it and it’s ok but I’m glad I didn’t buy it. I’ve yet to give it the magical second listen so my views may change, I’ll be sure to keep you updated.
300 fucks – 300 fucks = 0 fucks
- the number of fucks I give right now, right this minute. There’s no lack of very obvious signs that something is very seriously wrong but thanks to my amazing powers of dissociation it needn’t be a problem, which is handy as I have much to do and no time to be mental.