It’s Sunday, the day of rest- I’m resting. The 7 year-old is spending the day with his father, the 15 year-old is at a friend’s house following a sleepover last night, I have the smallest house in the world to myself. Unfortunately the same can’t be said for my mind, I am being driven mental by hideous amounts of head noise.
I contain the thoughts, feelings, ideas, problems, needs, wants, complaints, worries and minor irritations of [number I will never reveal] individuals- it’s impossible to hear them all let alone listen. When head noise gets to this level it’s disabling and much of the time is spent just staring into space waiting for my brain to melt and trickle out of my ear.
It’s a struggle to write, I can’t decide what to write about and I could easily write several posts all at the same time. I’m bored yet full of ideas and not short of things I could and want to do. I have lots to say but I don’t want to talk about it.
I don’t know what, if anything I can do to resolve or even alleviate this- even just writing that down had me bombarded with multiple suggestions.
It’s too much, I can’t concentrate, I’m lonely but glad I don’t have to speak to anyone, I’m confused and confused about my confusion, the day has been short and about 4 weeks long already, I’ve done everything and nothing, I have loads of things to do and I can’t get anything done.
So I’m not going to do anything, except perhaps attempt to install some sort of internal queuing system which I’m sure can be done whilst staring into space.
God I SO relate to doing everything but nothing, having lots to do but not doing it! Staring into space, a much undervalued activity, yes that’s right it IS an activity just as ‘catatonia’ is active – racing mind but unable to act on it, like being paralyzed whilst stuck on fast forward & backwards at the same time.
*Takes ticket*
I was very actively passive all day, you just couldn’t tell by looking.
Xxx
Oh yes I know what you mean. Someone needs to teach my insiders too that if you all speak at once no one gets heard! X
Hi
nobody gets heard, nothing gets done and nobody gets to do what they want to do. Usually someone shouts louder and get their own way eventually. Exhausting.
Xxx
Hugs you in a non-invasive most appropriate way xx
*accepts*
Xxx
It sounds like us that maybe someone is overwhelmed … a quick nap might help to calm some of those thought streams? You convey well your confusion – good writing! An internal “queuing system” seems intriguing … if nothing we do love our systems … just gotta allow all the tweeking
Our best,
Anns
Hi
I think we did it because we could- we’ve been busy externally, parenting for a while, I think that having external child-free time just let everyone relax a bit and think about themselves again. If nothing else, every time something like this happens we learn something and what we learned yesterday is that everybody speaking at once is just a waste of time!
We didn’t even manage to install that queuing system.
Xxx
I’m sorry. I am just so sorry it is so rough. *special hugs* xx
Hi Di
there’s always something, I’m hoping today will be a bit easier to manage. *accepts hugs, shares houmous*
Xxx
http://www.disabilitynow.org.uk/living/features/organised-chaos-cuts-leave-lives-in-crisis/
Hi J
that was depressing 5am reading! I’m not sure what the figures are in Scotland, but it’s clear there’s zero investment in anything MH and hasn’t been for some time. Zero investment is still no excuse for gutless ‘professionals’ though, I don’t understand why any professional, let alone one in any of the ‘caring’ professions would allow themselves to become so meek that they accept delivering no or shitty services. But that’s just me.
Xxx