It’s March, I survived February.
February, with its extra day was both painfully long and upon reflection short- reduced now to nothing more than a blur of things I don’t know and things I can’t remember.
February brought more pain, fear, confusion and suffering. February took with it, as it went, more hope and optimism than I would have imagined possible. The further, rapid degradation in anything resembling my quality of life is unquantifiable. I’m not living; I do not even exist other than in the moment.
I am surviving.
In 7 days I have an appointment with a specialist, another appointment, another psychiatrist, another specialist. I’m told this appointment is with the ‘right help’, the right psychiatrist, the right specialist.
I hope they’re right, experience tells me to be extremely cautious, I’ve been told this before and it ended badly. Very badly.
So for 7 days I will continue to survive, hoping, in the face of what I know, in spite of all my experience, that I’ll finally get to meet someone who listens to my story and says ‘I’ve heard stories like yours before, you’re not wrong, it’s not your fault and I can help.’
I don’t know what I’ll do in 8 days.
I don’t know.
Thinking of you and hoping that your appointment will bring real understanding and help.
Thank you, I hope so too. I’d settle for either ‘understanding’ or ‘help’ at this stage but both would be lovely.
Xxx
Hoping, hoping, hoping March 2012 is the month of change.
The month for verification, acknowledgement, understanding and treatment.
xxxx
something has to change Dawn, it can’t continue like this. I hope you’re right, thanks for being there.
Xxx
I almost clicked on the ‘like’ star and then decided that was not the right thing to do. I really dislike the pain you so eloquently express and wish there was something I could do. I’ve just been reading a book called ‘The Elephant Whisperer’ and if I could, I would whisk you away to Thula Thula to feel the calm and magic of the African bush. My heart goes out to you, dear Zoe and I hope so much that you finally get to meet someone who listens to and understands your story completely. And can help.
Love
Bee
Hi
thank you for taking time away from your imagination elephants to comment. I hope someone listens and understands too, it will be the start of my story then and it may end up in the African bush- who knows?!
Xxx
Its not your fault. I hope the help is the right help this time and that they can say that too you and you’re given a chance to create a future for you.
Keep fighting Z, even if its just to spite them.
Love you (all of you)
E xx
Thanks Ellie
you know how important it is for me to hear that. I’m surviving, still for spite but it works for now. Take care.
Xxx
I’ve heard stories like yours, I have one myself and it’s not your fault. I just haven’t figured out how to make it better. I really hope this new psychiatrist will be the one to help xx
Hi
our story isn’t as unusual as the NHS would have people believe. I’ll be honest, I’m not stupid and I know my chances of a happy ending are slim but as you pointed out in your own recent post, we have that unending instinct to survive, we have no choice. Take care.
Xxx
Hi Zoe,
Waiting anxiously for the next installment…
Lots love, H x
Hi
the next instalment is there for you to read now.
Hope you come back soon.
Xxx