It all began innocently enough, on the evening on my birthday I was doing some random web surfing. Given my compulsion to post a running commentary on my life/thoughts/dreams on Twitter, this was no exception and I posted the following Tweet-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Is it wrong, evil and selfish that I am looking up flights to nice places, pricing accommodation and thinking “holiday”- for one?
I have done this from time to time, as have you no doubt, but never with the determination to actually follow through like I did that evening. I am not sure what triggered my fervent desire to “get away” but I knew I had to get away and fast.
My thought processes continued to unravel very publicly on Twitter, I subsequently posted this-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
I could go to Paris on Friday, might check the weather first, might go to Barcelona tomorrow instead, so much choice!
A couple of tweets later and sensibility appeared to begin to creep in and I posted this update-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
I think I need to zopiclone myself before I buy a flight, given that I have to do the school run tomorrow and everything…
So I duly zopicloned myself and went to sleep (briefly, I never did write that post on the elusive beast that is sleep). I woke the next morning and innocently updated my Twitter thusly-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Good morning, it’s a lovely sunny, freezing cold day.
It is difficult to ascertain the time that was posted but I was just up for the day so it could be anything from 3.30-6am. My early start did nothing to calm my desire to escape and my next update was the following-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Well news of my impromptu trip to Paris at the weekend has gone down well…..#lies
This was an exceptionally disingenuous tweet on reflection and a great example of how it is sometimes difficult to assess the reality of a situation in an explanation of 140 characters or less. Picture the scene if you will- I was sitting in bed with the social worker, drinking tea and I suddenly announced that I was going to Paris, alone, the following day. I had given him no previous hint that I had any desire to go anywhere; we’d had a conversation that week about money and how we had none, I simply announced, out of the blue that the following day I was, at great expense, leaving him and the children to it. If you factor in my “delicate” mental health over the past while then the social worker should be applauded for not confiscating my passport and alerting local mental health services. Nonetheless I continued to pillory him for his less than enthusiastic reaction, again, very publicly-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
@Bigdawny1 it would appear that way, apparently me going toParis on my own for the weekend makes others grumpy. Can’t think why!
At that stage I simply couldn’t understand why anybody would fail to be as passionate about the idea as I was. By this point I had already spent the best part of £600 on flights and accommodation- in short, I was still at home in bed but I had already lost it…..
My plans went into full swing; I activated roaming on my mobile, made a sketchy mental list of all the things I needed to buy and headed into town. Naturally I continued to Tweet. Those of you who aren’t amongst the 534 followers who witnessed my unravelling live on screen- you can read all the tweets by simply typing #MadParisJolly2011 (yes I even invented a #tag for it, now that’s sophisticated, modern metalism) into the search box on Twitter.com
There followed a few Tweets about shopping (all done on a credit card I have diligently spend around 3 years paying off) with the odd gleeful Tweet thrown in-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Rejoice, I found cropped trousers that are indeed cropped as opposed to a perfect fit on my stumpy little legs #MadParisJolly2011
9 Jun via TweetCaster
Anyone reading this that’s similarly challenged in the height department (I am 156cm “tall”) will probably understand my joy here and to be fair to myself- this was quite legitimate as I have spent ages trying to find cropped trousers that fit!
Shopping done I continued to enter my stream of consciousness into the Twitter app on my phone and TweetDeck-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
I am quite ridiculously excited, man I’m going to be annoying today….#MadParisJolly2011
I am actively cringing as I write this post, in a way I am glad for my Twitter addiction as I honestly would have no idea what happened between the evening of the 8th of June and the evening of the 12th of June without it. On the other hand I am riddled with shame that I allowed the world a window on my madness. As I write, what has possibly been one of the hardest posts I’ve ever written (and that’s saying something) I am for the first time ever unsure of whether to publish it. I have toyed with the idea of password protecting this post and as yet I am still unsure if it will ever make it to my blog. I feel the need to write about my experience though and try and unpick it a bit so I will continue to write. I have been praised in the past for my honesty and also told I am too honest, as is clear I find it almost impossible to find the balance. I console myself in the moments I fear I have taken honesty to an extreme with all the comments, emails and Tweets I get from others saying I have helped them in some way so do keep sending them.
My Tweets continued, as ever to be honest….
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
ooh I am so organised, I’ve written down the address of the hotel and everything, well I say everything, that’s it really #MadParisJolly2011
By this stage I had booked flights and accommodation (first hotel with 3 stars I found on the Easyjet website- apparently there’s no time to be selective where madness is one’s motivation) but the extent of my organisation was simply copying the address of the hotel onto a scrap of paper, at this stage I didn’t even know if I had a valid passport, let alone where it was- I know this now because some time later I posted the following Tweet-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Aha! I have a passport and it’s valid, that’s good. Don’t know who the hideous woman in the picture is though #MadParisJolly2011
So my preparations continued, I say preparations but as will be come clear I have never been so wildly unprepared for anything in my life.
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Right I think I may actually have everything I need except perhaps a responsible adult? What might I have forgotten? #MadParisJolly2011
If I ever see a fellow Twitterer post an update like that I like to think, given my recent experience that I will intervene. My Tweet stream then goes on to include a brief musical interlude- the point where I was obviously doing that oh-so important pre-holiday task of updating my iPod. At least I had my priorities right- flights- booked, hotel- booked, insurance- meh, money- meh, any idea of how it was actually going to work on a practical level- meh.
Somewhere in my mentalness there was an awareness that I had in fact gone mental, indicated by the following response to a Tweet from a follower suggesting that #MadParisJolly2011 would become a trending topic on Twitter-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
@nyan_ratty That’s the plan! Also easy way for me to read the progression from idea to reality later when I’m bemused! #MadParisJolly2011
So I was laying a trail, there was method in my madness.
On the Thursday evening at some point I had another moment of clarity-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Have just remembered I really really hate flying #MadParisJolly2011
9 Jun via TweetCaster
I despise flying- particularly short flights (like those from Edinburgh to Paris for example) where you spent more time nauseatingly circling the airport than you actually do getting anywhere. My hatred of flying has, in the past been a totally valid reason not to leave the country but I was apparently able to completely disregard it on this occasion and continue with my “preparations”-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Well I have packed a bag and everything, well I’ve packed a bag. There is stuff in it, clothes and such. #MadParisJolly2011
I awoke the next day, clearly as excited as I had been the previous day-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
It’s tomorrow! Well it’s today now, but you know what I mean. I am going to Paris! #MadParisJolly2011
It is from this point onwards that my “memory” of my expedition becomes completely based on my Twitter stream. I have brief snapshots in my mind of doing things and being in places but they all concur with the timing of my tweets, the rest of it is a total blur.
I am in every way obsessively compulsive and a complete control freak. I plan everything with military precision, I write notes, keep a diary, use the calendar app on my phone, I am a meticulous planner. It’s worth noting that I have been on holiday before several times with the family, solely planned everything and each time it has been a success and I cannot remember anything ever going wrong. Flights, gîtes, hotels, connecting flights, passports, car hire, insurance, money. I have navigated Parisian public transport with the social worker, a 4 year old and an autistic 7 year old in tow, everybody was kept safe, fed and watered and we have many happy memories. I have done Paris and the Loire with the social worker, an 18 month old, a 9 year old and a 12 year old and we all lived to tell the tale. Had I been able to step back at all from the quagmire of my madness the following Twitter updates on the day of departure would have alarmed me greatly-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
So my day has begun in the usual way,in bed,mainlining tea, doing my nails, still not worked out what time I need to leave#MadParisJolly2011
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Might’ve been a plan to get some Euros, some coins left over from last time, probably enough for a coffee, it’ll be fine #MadParisJolly2011
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
God is that the time? Why am I still in bed? Need more tea….. #incrediblypoorlyprepared #MadParisJolly2011
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
How is it possible for time to sneak up on me like that? I’m sitting in front of a laptop with a clock on it Things to do#MadParisJolly2011
My next update was from the airport car park, I was impressed with myself for finding it but somewhat distracted by a fashion emergency-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
I am the epitome of chic- the hem just came down on my trousers #MadParisJolly2011
10 Jun via TweetCaster
This is the kind of emergency Twitter was invented for; I instantly received the following advice from a follower-
@HiddenSecretMeMaggie Riley
@Zoe_Smith Sellotape is the answer
And so I continued on my merry way………
Reality strikes again-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
WTF am I doing at an airport? I hate flying, seriously really hate it with a passion #MadParisJolly2011
10 Jun via TweetCaster
Airport security- more concerned with checking the content of your toiletries bag than your psyche fortunately-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Had to sacrifice toothpaste and moisturiser for perfume at security, smuggling liquid through in my bladder #MadParisJolly2011
10 Jun via TweetCaster
Airport security clearly also enjoy goading the crazies-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Oh no full bag search #MadParisJolly2011
10 Jun via TweetCaster
Bearing in mind Edinburgh airport security staff are unpacking my bag and examining my belongings- and I’m smiling inanely and Tweeting….. No wonder they were suspicious. I clearly, in spite of appearances found it all rather stressful-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Day 8 alcohol free- jumping off the wagon in 5-4-3-2-1 #airportsecurity #MadParisJolly2011
10 Jun via TweetCaster
Incidentally I didn’t go straight from security to the pub and I still haven’t touched a drop of alcohol- now on day 11 alcohol free, though I suspect if I ever finish writing this post I will get hammered whilst I mull over whether to publish it or not. (edit- it’s the next day and I am still writing and formatting this epic post, I did jump off the wagon last night and indulge in two glasses of wine. Day 1 again today)
Comfortingly my lucid side sneaks out from time to time and I tweet the occasional intelligent thing- though it doesn’t get the #MadParisJolly2011-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Page 14 of todays Scotsman confirms I am absolutely correct to be an antitheist.
10 Jun via TweetCaster
So I clearly bought and read a newspaper at some point and was outraged enough by what I’d read to share my opinion with the world. If only this lucid side had seized control of the whole sorry situation there and then, marched me back out of the airport and driven me home, administered Lorazepam and let me sleep it off. But she didn’t…..
So I boarded the plane then due to a technical fault over which Easyjet stayed characteristically tight-lipped, I also unboarded the plane. Then I boarded again and I was off. I took photos in-flight which I later Tweeted. Then I landed-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Je suis ici! Now what….? #MadParisJolly2011
10 Jun via TweetCaster
I hadn’t thought this through at all. Somehow my inner genius resurfaces and rather impressively manages to get me on a train; I am also clearly impressed with Parisian public transport-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
CDG bloody horrible, going to find a train- found it already, ah public transport infrastructure #MadParisJolly2011
10 Jun via TweetCaster
Some time later…………..
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Fuck! Note to self- learn how to read a bloody map and buy a spare phone battery. Here but only just. Hotel lovely. #MadParisJolly2011
10 Jun via TweetCaster
Clearly whoever had managed to navigate Parisian public transport with such aplomb earlier had deserted me at some point. I had acquired a map but bemusingly found myself completely incapable of using it. I have looked at said map since I got home and it all makes perfect sense- as have all maps I read previously. I have been abroad pre sat-nav and managed perfectly well with a Michelin Atlas so I was clearly in a somewhat befuddled state.
There followed an evening of random Tweets, including photos and a relatively early night, I must’ve been tired.
My first full day in Paris (Saturday 11th June) began with Twitter, without tea and with diet coke. I bemoaned my lack of a cardigan, quite an unusual situation as a cardigan tends to be a wardrobe staple for me. I converse with followers-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
@jermec I’m just going to point myself I’m the direction of out and see what happens. No plans as such…#MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
and have breakfast……..
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Petit déjeuner day 1 no tea at all #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
I complain about the lack of tea, discuss the attractiveness of hard-boiled eggs and I put sugar cubes in my bag as a gift for my 6 year old son. I am wearing a dress, I Tweet a photo to prove it and off I go……
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Right I am going out, no idea where, no idea if i’ll make it back….#MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
It goes swimmingly, I Tweet photos along the way and I also engage a cunning new aid to help me get around-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Today I am mostly using the homeless as navigational tools- he was there yesterday, recognise the dogs #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
I walk and walk and walk……
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Ok first disaster of the day, I have lost the card for my hotel room. I have walked miles already, could be anywhere. Oops#MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
I receive a reassuring response from a follower-
@redfoxcountryTony Martin
@Zoe_Smith They’ll have another. Rest your feet.
and so I continue walking….I go to the Louvre and a whole new theme of Tweets begins-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Oh god Parisian public toilets- thank god for strong thigh muscles #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
I tweet pictures of pictures and pictures of statues, the signal in the Louvre is rubbish so I save some pictures to Tweet later. I wish I could find a way to find out what time Tweets were posted, I reckon I spent half an hour tops in the Louvre before I got bored and went on my merry way again. It was too cold for that dress I was wearing-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
In other news, no idea where I am. I am smoking in a cafe, I bought biscuits, I may be in the early stages of hypothermia#MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Needed legggggiiinngggss soooo cooolllddd #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
So I bought leggings-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Go to Paris-buy leggings in H&M, like being in St Andrews. Need the loo(espresso no.7)appear to enjoy walking in circles #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
And put them on-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
The dark alley I went into to put my leggings on #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
Ah! Insight!
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
I think that #MadParisJolly2011must be the funniest, scariest most alarming for MH professionals #tag I’ve ever created! Can’t wait to blog
11 Jun via TweetCaster
and comedy…….
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Blackpool in the distance there…. #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
In fact in a rare moment of immodesty I have to confess that as shameful as I feel my exposure was I do find the #MadParisJolly2011 tweet stream hilariously funny. It is a work of comedy genius and I do so love to make people laugh, even if it is at my expense and tinged with “mocking the afflicted” at times.
I’m not sure what else I did that day- except for all the things I tweeted about which suggest I mainly drank espresso and went to the toilet. I made it back to the hotel somehow and displayed the workings of my sharp, astute mind to hotel staff-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Back in l’hotel didn’t do myself any favours in getting a new key by having no idea what room I’m in #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
Again I conversed with followers-
@vivizarazRosie Scott
@Zoe_Smith Loving the #MadParisJolly2011 tweets!
11 Jun via web
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
@vivizaraz me too but i’m seriously thinking of zopicloning myself for a bit, in the interests of safety and sanity! #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
Then I zopicloned myself to sleep for a bit. I woke up, drank more diet coke and went out again to continue my voyage of discovery-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Accidentally found the metro station that would’ve stopped me wandering round (& around) like a bemused gerbil last night #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
I lost all sense of time and had lunch-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Found a vendor of massive paninis and crepes, bought lunch realise its now nearly dinner time, explains why I was hungry #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
I chatted to followers-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
@Bigdawny1 I tend not to make plans, or think, or be organised..#MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
Again I hark back to my earlier protestations about just how organised I am- and I am, usually. Today for example I had two appointments (with health professionals- quelle surprise!) both were written in my diary and both were entered into my phones calendar app- with reminders set. I micro-manage. Usually…..
I appear, most unusually, to relax-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
At a bit of a loose end now, seemingly quite content to do nothing at all, might just roll with it, need coffee though #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
And then! In a truly clichéd fashion- I post this-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
I have had *the* best idea for a book (what again?) Publishers! DM me now for first dibs! #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
Then characteristically, I get distracted-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Just noticed there is a massive tv in the hotel room, might watch telly for a while,might go out and get caffeined up 1st #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
and I go out for yet more coffee. I come back to the hotel and watch a documentary on turtles, it’s boring. I get all bipolar again and post this-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
I’m either having a bipolar moment or I really have had an absolutely genius idea. Can’t wait to get home now, need laptop#MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
and this-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
sitting on bed,drinking coke, surrounded by scraps of paper with genius on them. Physically in Paris but mentally at home #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
and this-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Genius at work/bipolar in motion? #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
I still have all those pieces of paper tucked away in my diary, I’m too scared to take them out at the moment though I actually do think my crazy mind has finally come up with a good idea. If I can control it enough to get organised and do something productive with it then I might just be on to something.
During this rush of genius I get distracted again-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Discovered the toilet just keeps flushing if you hold the handle down- guess what I’ve just spent 15mins doing? #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
and I chat to a much loved follower about our shared love of the “infinite flushing toilet”-
@AliquantAli Q
@Zoe_Smith OMG I want that toilet!! #jealous
11 Jun via Seesmic Web
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
@Aliquant it is my newest source of entertainment, hours of fun. I may progress to flushing things down it #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
I then post another musical interlude, with relevant tracks of course- Here’s my Bright Idea by Orson and Can’t Get Enough by Suede.
I post Tweets alluding to the fact I am ill prepared for the return journey the following day but continue to do nothing to rectify the situation. I eat a pear and re-read my Tweets for the day-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Another day ends and what a day, just re-read my tweets to ascertain what actually happened. Still no idea about tomorrow #MadParisJolly2011
11 Jun via TweetCaster
thanks to Zopiclone, I escape into slumber- for a little while-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Morning! Oh dear a bit early, even for Paris may try and go back to sleep #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
then it’s morning (Sunday 12th June) again-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Morning again. Bit of a more civilised time now. Only an hour til petit déjeuner which is good as I need invisible tea #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I clearly decide to be proactive and here follows my own personal favourite group of Tweets-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*gets map out* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*stares gormlessly at pretty colours* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*feels like a master cartographer as she finally identifies where she is on the map* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*rotates map 180 degrees to see if that helps* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*rotates map again, now has pen also, feels like Columbus* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*realises Dora the explorer has one up on her here, congratulates self for not having hair like a crash helmet* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*probably erroneously thinks “I could just walk” internal compass needle spinning already* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*now has two maps, two maps, one pen, zero sense of direction. Drinks diet coke* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*wishes she’d bought insurance so she could get ill and be repatriated*#MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*feels like a genius for spotting a street sign- street not marked on map, drinks more diet coke* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*looks at scale on map, calculates airport is approx 1km away, could walk it in no time. Google maps say 26km, 5hr walk* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*wishes she’d taken geography instead of Modern Studies at O level* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*wonders what she would have to do to get deported and would this involve being driven to the airport* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
*starts feeling invincible again, puts map away and decides to just wing it* #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
Suddenly followers step in to help, some with suggestions on what to do with my day, some with genuine concern for my wellbeing
@mentalcapitalChris O’Sullivan
@Zoe_Smith RER blue line to CDG. Lots of city centre stops, and cheap. Take care speedy…http://bit.ly/jvY9kN
I reassure them-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
@mentalcapital that’s kind of what I had “planned” have “RER blue B” written on my hand and everything!#MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I drink more espresso and spend €6.40 on diet coke from the mini-bar. I overcome my fear of heights-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Have progressed from crawling onto 5th floor balcony to walking, I am proud #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I sum up my visit to Paris in one succinct Tweet-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Paris so far. Good for liver, bad for lungs, good for autobiography, bad for bank balance…#MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I am hit by a sudden wave of fatigue/caffeine withdrawal-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
19 minutes til check out and my mind appears to be trapped in an exhausted heap of a body. Great timing body, well done #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I disregard it and head out into the mean city to attempt to ultimately end up at Charles De Gaulle airport in time for my flight. Again I walk and walk and walk. I am accosted by French “chuggers”-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
French chuggers- GRAB YOUR FUCKING ARM! oh good god, I need a lie down. #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I hate being touched by anybody I don’t know really well and I particularly hate being touched on the arms. I swear at the aforementioned chugger in French and English, ultimately I think I threatened to kill him, with a knife.
I have several cunning plans but they all go wrong. I know I need to get to Gare Du Nord and I keep walking- with the ocassional stop-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Full of bread, lost, smoking at the Bastille #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I become ethereal-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Strangely content, is this what they call acceptance? Am I dying? Oh well, nice place to do it & no rain #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
then I start walking again and I walk and walk and walk (I have plotted what I think was my route on Google maps, I covered almost 15km and it resembles a spiders web) I get to Gare De Lyon where my plan was to get a taxi to Gare Du Nord- the road is closed due to some “event”. So I start walking again- to Nation, I’ve been there before so it should be easy. It’s not easy-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Appear to be stumbling blindly through a car boot sale. Plan b scuppered by road closure. Still walking #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Thank god I’m not big on crying…..#MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
Against all the odds I make it to Gare Du Nord-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Legs like jelly, feet like mince, clean toilet at Gare Du Nord, HTC battery still shite. Might go to CDG and sleep #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I drink coffee and reflect-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Y’know one day i’ll look back on all of this and laugh…….tomorrow probably….#MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
Much to the delight and relief of my concerned followers I make it to the airport and I charge my phone-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
I am stealing electricity from Charles De Gaulle airport #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
During my time away my phone became my number one concern, it was my lifeline but not in the traditional sense that I could’ve phoned home from Edinburgh on the Friday evening and said “I’ve made a terrible mistake, I’ve no idea what I’m doing, please come and pick me up” oh-no, my phone was essential for only two things- Tweeting and Google maps. Google maps turned out to be a bit of a non-starter for me as it still required some sort of rudimentary navigational skill to use- yes that was me, standing by that boulangerie turning my phone round- and round and round again. Smartphones are awesome in every sense of the word but they do tend to have a short battery life and this was a problem when out and about. A problem I completely disregarded as I continued to take photos and tweet voraciously. I’m not even going to mention the amount of money I spent on T-Mobile European data boosters……..
So I was in the airport which was good, but I was becoming increasingly unhinged- which was bad. My feet are sore-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Think my feet have become one with my shoes, if I untie my laces I’ll spend the rest of my life hobbling around on stumps #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
as is my throat-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
I have just noticed that I have an extremely sore throat. More coffee required obviously #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
so I drink yet more coffee and appear to lose any remaining grip on reality-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Given up trying to salvage any vestiges of respectability, now sitting on the ground opposite a taxi rank, all starey eyed#MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I laugh-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
That moment when you realise you’re the only person on your own in an airport that’s laughing hysterically #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
a loyal follower goes into Mental Health first aid mode-
@TeppotasticTeppotastic
@Zoe_Smith Firstly, make sure you’re wearing all your clothes XD #MadParisJolly2011
and I reassure them-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
@Teppotastic still fully clothed, even have my shades on (its not sunny I just don’t like eye contact) #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I try to keep myself entertained-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Switched on Kindle- lost interest immediately. Texted OH repeatedly. Need coffee and a bath and possibly medicated #MadParisJolly2011
A follower sends me a direct message and tells me I am an inspiration. At this point I had gone out of the airport for a cigarette, I had done this before but on this occasion had somehow managed to go out of a completely different door. I was stunned and confused, I had no idea where I was.
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
@sunnyflower2011 aw thank you, not sure you’d be saying that if you’d just witnessed my reaction to walking out a different door! Thanks Xxx
12 Jun via TweetCaster
My thoughts turn to the flight home-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
If the plane crashes on the way home my legacy will be a slew of word vomit in chunks of 140 characters or less #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
A humungous queue has formed for check-in and I am sitting some way away watching it. #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
I check in and await my flight home; finally it’s time to board-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Last tweet from Paris, thanks y’all its been swell Xxx #MadParisJolly2011
12 Jun via TweetCaster
and beyond all expectations, particularly mine I make it home-
@Zoe_SmithZoe Smith
Soooo Glad you made it home in one piece….there were times when I did wonder if you would?!! I suppose the thing is you are ok….maybe……..more than likely it was a moment of madness BUT you are still here…still living to tell the tale….and Im sure you will look over this blog and your tweets and smile at your little adventure in days/weeks/months and years to come.
You were brave and very comical along the way (and I mean that in the nicest of ways)….us with BP do the strangest of things at times and that is what I think makes us us….and you are very lucky that the social worker at home did not put a stop to your epic adventure….
Truly well done….you are ok…..and you managed without tea for a weekend….i just hope the coffee/espresso withdrawals are not to bad!!!
Next time take me and a few other mad twitterers and we’ll see what damage we can do
x x x
Glad you are back home safe and sound…….
It was a rollercoaster ride but glad to have shared it with you too.
If there is the merest hint of wanderlust, I will send my dad over to put a stop to your ventures :O)
I’m sure you don’t want that now do you !! haha
Did the sugar cubes go down well?
Dawny
xxxxx
You make me want to join twitter. Xx
D’you know, it never even occurred to me that there would be a problem. Doing anything at all when the chemicals combine in *that* way is sublime. There is an innocence that overrides everything. That is not to say that this was safe. But mad is mad, and sometimes we get away with it. Despite my own busy, long anticipated, and frantically, desperately intensely enjoyable weekend, I was still jealous of yours.
God I’ve missed you guys. Glad you made it home safe x x
[...] that last is another reason I still engage in confabulation. Amnesia is embarrassing. So when I saw this post from Zoe Smith, detailing her A) recent excursion to Paris, B) inability to recall said excursion, and C) [...]
[...] peoples ‘parts’ don’t act completely independently of each other, they don’t seize control of the body and go off and do their own thing- without telling any of the other parts. Most peoples ‘parts’ don’t get up in the night, [...]
[...] communicate in a way that leaves a written record so that it can be accessed again later. Since the Paris trip I’ve also undergone a comprehensive self-led training course in Google maps and navigation [...]